Mechanic
January 24th, 2002, 05:52 AM
Rules That Guys Wish Girls Knew
If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not
ask us. We refuse to answer.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down.
Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always
more attractive than short hair. One of the big
reasons guys fear getting married is that married
women always cut their hair, and by then, you are
stuck with her.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not
quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet
again!
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to;
expect an answer you do not want to hear.
Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live
with it.
Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the
shotgun formation and monster trucks.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never
going to think of it
that way.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine. Really
You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
Crying is blackmail.
Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not
work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
No, we do not know what day it is. We never will.
Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us
frequently beforehand.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What
makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which
pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Check your oil. Please.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's
genetic.
Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to
come out.
You can either ask us to do something OR tell us
how you want it done--not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and
neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was
the first two months we were going out. Get over it.
And quit whining to your girlfriends - like THEIR
relationship is SO MUCH better.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows
default settings. Peach for example is a fruit not a
color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what
mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our
lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how
little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not
ask us. We refuse to answer.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down.
Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always
more attractive than short hair. One of the big
reasons guys fear getting married is that married
women always cut their hair, and by then, you are
stuck with her.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not
quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet
again!
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to;
expect an answer you do not want to hear.
Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live
with it.
Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the
shotgun formation and monster trucks.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never
going to think of it
that way.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine. Really
You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
Crying is blackmail.
Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not
work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
No, we do not know what day it is. We never will.
Mark anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us
frequently beforehand.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What
makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which
pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
Check your oil. Please.
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's
genetic.
Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to
come out.
You can either ask us to do something OR tell us
how you want it done--not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and
neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was
the first two months we were going out. Get over it.
And quit whining to your girlfriends - like THEIR
relationship is SO MUCH better.
ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows
default settings. Peach for example is a fruit not a
color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what
mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our
lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how
little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.