Mechanic
February 14th, 2002, 05:24 AM
New Warning Labels
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed on all containers:
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when
you are not.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and
over again that you love them.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with other members of the opposite --- without spitting.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu
powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and
see something really scary.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
smarter, faster and better looking than most
people.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing
WITH you.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space
continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed on all containers:
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when
you are not.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and
over again that you love them.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with other members of the opposite --- without spitting.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu
powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and
see something really scary.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,
smarter, faster and better looking than most
people.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing
WITH you.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space
continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.