thedog
February 28th, 2002, 07:41 AM
Dear US Citizen:
Thank you for your recent whinny-assed letter criticizing the treatment
of the Taliban and El Quieda detainees being held at Guantanamo Bay,
Cuba. And,
we sincerely appreciate that you've
already copied Hillary.
As part of the Administration's Liberal Empathy Training Program, you'll
be
pleased to learn that the Administration has decided to place one
detainee
under your exclusive care. Your detainee is scheduled to be delivered to
your personal residence on Monday. The detainee is to be cared for
pursuant to the standards you strongly recommended in your letter of
admonishment. It will be necessary that you hire your own caretakers. We
will also conduct weekly inspections, of course, to assure that your
detainee is actually being cared for in the manner you personally
prescribed.
His meal requirements are simple, but we strongly suggest using menus
that
do not require utensils. While he does bite, the rabies test was
negative,
although he does have a bad case of body lice that we haven't completely
remedied.
Although he is sociopathic and very psychotic, we do welcome your
promised
efforts to overcome that "attitudinal problem" with your promised
counseling
and home schooling. He's extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and
can
extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or light bulb.
We
do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these proficiencies at
your
next bridge party. He also has the ability to make a variety of lethal
bombs
from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items
locked
up, not withstanding that it may conflict with your moral values or
disrupt
your maid's daily routine. Please heed the large orange notice attached
to
your detainee's cage. "Does not play well with others".
Your detainee generally bathes quarterly, with the change of seasons,
assuming that it rains, and washes his clothes simultaneously. That
should help with your water bill.
Be assured, your detainee absolutely loves pets of all kinds, but is
especially fond of cats and dogs. He prefers them roasted. You take good
care of our detainee now.
President George W, Bush
Thank you for your recent whinny-assed letter criticizing the treatment
of the Taliban and El Quieda detainees being held at Guantanamo Bay,
Cuba. And,
we sincerely appreciate that you've
already copied Hillary.
As part of the Administration's Liberal Empathy Training Program, you'll
be
pleased to learn that the Administration has decided to place one
detainee
under your exclusive care. Your detainee is scheduled to be delivered to
your personal residence on Monday. The detainee is to be cared for
pursuant to the standards you strongly recommended in your letter of
admonishment. It will be necessary that you hire your own caretakers. We
will also conduct weekly inspections, of course, to assure that your
detainee is actually being cared for in the manner you personally
prescribed.
His meal requirements are simple, but we strongly suggest using menus
that
do not require utensils. While he does bite, the rabies test was
negative,
although he does have a bad case of body lice that we haven't completely
remedied.
Although he is sociopathic and very psychotic, we do welcome your
promised
efforts to overcome that "attitudinal problem" with your promised
counseling
and home schooling. He's extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and
can
extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or light bulb.
We
do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these proficiencies at
your
next bridge party. He also has the ability to make a variety of lethal
bombs
from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items
locked
up, not withstanding that it may conflict with your moral values or
disrupt
your maid's daily routine. Please heed the large orange notice attached
to
your detainee's cage. "Does not play well with others".
Your detainee generally bathes quarterly, with the change of seasons,
assuming that it rains, and washes his clothes simultaneously. That
should help with your water bill.
Be assured, your detainee absolutely loves pets of all kinds, but is
especially fond of cats and dogs. He prefers them roasted. You take good
care of our detainee now.
President George W, Bush