Jobe Lowe
July 25th, 2002, 11:59 AM
The Fosters had no children and decided to use a proxy father to
start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.
Foster kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You
don't know me but I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Foster cut
in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of
babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.
Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Foster, blushing.
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor
is fun too; you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry
and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try
several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure
you'll be pleased with the results."
"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Foster.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be
in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm
sure."
"Don't I know!!", Mrs. Foster exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my god!!", Mrs. Foster exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed
Mrs. Foster the picture.
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Foster.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the
job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep,
pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Foster, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. " And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when
the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Foster leaned forward. ''You mean they actually chewed on your,
uh...equipment?"
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that
we can get to work."
"Tripod??", Mrs. Foster looked extremely worried now.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too
big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam?
Madam?.....Good Lord, she's fainted!!"
start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr.
Foster kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You
don't know me but I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Foster cut
in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of
babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.
Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Foster, blushing.
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor
is fun too; you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry
and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try
several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure
you'll be pleased with the results."
"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Foster.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be
in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm
sure."
"Don't I know!!", Mrs. Foster exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my god!!", Mrs. Foster exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their
mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed
Mrs. Foster the picture.
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Foster.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the
job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep,
pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Foster, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. " And for more than three hours too. The
mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when
the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Foster leaned forward. ''You mean they actually chewed on your,
uh...equipment?"
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that
we can get to work."
"Tripod??", Mrs. Foster looked extremely worried now.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too
big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam?
Madam?.....Good Lord, she's fainted!!"