I HATE MY MOTHER!!!

[Starr]

Well boys pulls up a stool cause things are gonna get nasty. This is probably the only time anyone will ever here me say something serious. If I don't get it out I won't sleep and that will let the ol bat win. Damn IT!!! Without going into the whos, whats, whens, hows, and wheres I will try to give ya the scenario. Right before Xmas My kid comes back in town right? and I got this mother 59 looks 90 (from prescription drug abuse) she almost died a little while ago so I spent a whopping $8000 and moved her bony malnutritioned ass out by me. Let me just add that now my brothers won't talk to me cause they spent all their lives trying to get away from MA and here I go moving her down the street. Any who, been in and out of hospitals the past two years overdosing on her meds...I got threatened by Adult Protective Services that if I didn't put her in a home they would charge me with neglect..Yada, yada. Well the only thing that makes this miserable lady breath is my kid so when she gets back in town the first thing I do is let Grandma visit with her. From a long background of crap, I won't get into it, I try not to talk to ma, don't want to see her, like nails on a blackboard, "I've been in AA 25 YRs" she says, yeah and popping those pills when she got back from the meetings! I take my kid over Fri. night and tell Ma that my little one can stay over with her but they are not to go out at all and the we agreed I would pick her up at noon the next day. Sounds cool, right?????? sh*tttttt NO!! See I don't want her driving my kid around cause she's on some heavy crap. Morphine, Methadone, need I say more. So when I go to get my kid there's no one home. I have gotten no call, nothing. I wait...10 mins...15mins....20mins...nothing. I go home and start to panic. I thought my mother had taken my baby out and they had gotten hurt. One last idea of where she might be...her favorite store. I called and theres my mother. I was livid! I demanded that she bring my daughter to me at once. 2 hours go by and still no kid..I am freaking...by the time I caught up with her they had just gotten back to my mothers apartment. She had refused to give me my kid!! So on the phone I try to tell her why I am so mad that her taking off with my kid and not calling was just as wrong as someone else doing it. She doesn't think she has done anything wrong. Finally, I give up, tell her I don't want her in my life any more. I can't take it. After 31 yrs I have finally had it. She wouldn't listen. Just kept putting the phone down on the couch and periodically picking it up to let me know she hasn't been listening. Thank God I know my mother...a little voice in me said..."Call the police and let them know what is going on before you go over there cause she's gonna try and do something" I listened. Sure enough when I get to the apartment I try to tell her not to contact me in any way and she pretended not to hear me..la di da...so screw it...If you won't listen I am gonna write it down so you can't say I didn't tell ya. Then out of the blue this pitiful, encrusted, sorry excuse for a woman attacked me!! In front of my daughter no less. I grabbed her hands off of me and pushed her back. "What the fu*k are you doing" I said. She flies backwards, lands on her butt and clocks my kid in the head. Daughter crying..I am stunned. I didn't know what to do so I grab my kid and the telephone in the same swoop then called the police back. Luckily I got the same dispatcher as before so I told her to go ahead and send someone out then I went out the door. I waited in the parking lot and tried to calm my child. I didn't want her to see that and it hurt that I was incapable of having a healthy relationship with my mother. My kid is losing a grandmother too ya know, I just wish it didn't have to be that way. The police come talk to me and even to my kid. It's real sad to see a 5 yr old say "my grandma was trying to hit my mommy." They remarked that perhaps I need to get her some help and I politely explained that I was tired.. I just couldn't do it any more and after telling them to just make sure she wasn't batty I left. Think its over right........ HELL NO!! Not with my mother! I got a letter in the mail today that I had been charged with assault and that I had to appear at the court house within 7 days to post bond or pay a $250 fine or I would have a warrant issued for my arrest. Can you believe it??? Last Xmas she got me a full "paranoid schizophrenic episode induced by over medication so I had to have her committed" this Xmas I got "Full out assault charges" FA LA LA LA LA..... LA LA LA LA!!

[milogone]

Well its true we have to let people behave the way they behave. When this event comes to pass and it will come to pass (it can't not)Ask mom what is on page 449 (middle para-graph)of that book she's got.You know that big blue one.
Meantime you keep suiting up and showing up!


http://gifs123.tripod.com/page29/book.gif
Page 449

[Edited by milogone on January 5th, 2001 at 10:03 PM]

[spyguy]

Starr,
I'm not one to preach but here goes: When I was a child (at the tender age of ten), my parents divorced. My father in Florida, my mother and I moved to the West coast. WE were starting another life. I was a straight A student and participated in 5 sports. I had manners and RESPECT (which is what I give and DEMAND to this day) and for all intents and purposes was the ideal child. I was scholastically challenged because I had been in private school until then. No matter the "problem", I found the answer and received accolades for having done so. Well, that changed quickly without my father in my life. As I grew and wished to become a man, my mother wished to retain the "little boy" she had raised. As a result, I grew away from my mother. In my mind, I was growing to become a man, and she was not about to let that happen. (Honestly, she NEVER grew from that point) My College ring is inscribed "to my baby boy", no sh#%.lol Over the course of the next 4 years, I got into theft, larceny, strong armed robbery, drugs, assault, B&E, etc. (I had EVERY charge known to mankind). Fortunately, for me, my family (including my mother) was involved in law enforcement and "law". My brother and sister were FAR older than me and had chosen their paths in life long before I was mature enough to decide mine. My mother bestowed upon me love like I could never understand (and still don't). How she could have put up with me when I had not only given up but WANTED her to no longer care for me (as noone else did), I will NEVER know. I was sent to 3 reform schools and they did little/nothing. My mother (a judge) was forced to pit her career against her family (me). She was nearly disbarred as a result of the things I had done (at the age of 14). She had a senior judge, whom I knew well (my 1st highschool was named after him) assist her in what had to be done. I was told (by him), "YOU have a choice! You've been to reform school(s) and they didn't work, you now have one last option. You can go to military school or you can go to prison! Which will it be?" I thought for a moment and deducted that if I went to military school and APPLIED myself, I could be "off the hook" by the time I was 17. Prison (youth reform) meant I would have to be 18. "Save a year, go to military school" was my philosophy. That was what determined what I wanted because I saw no difference. In reality/hindsight, I NEVER would have gone to prison but at 14, I KNEW to the contrary. I resented my mother EVERY F#($ing DAY I was there (for 3 years). I could do no right no matter how hard I tried. I made honor roll, achieved the highest rank possible, and lettered in 3 sports. Upon graduation, I asked my mother, "Haven't I proven myself? I haven't been in trouble for 3 YEARS (not days). I made honor roll. I've lettered in 3 sports. I have colleges recruiting ME (top 10 business schools)." It wasn't enough. She said, "I don't think I can handle you right now." EVERYTHING I had worked toward repairing was unfixable. I came to understand that the harm I had done could not be undone. I went back to live with my father (who was physically and emotionally abusive) knowing that AGAIN I had failed after making the most consertive effort toward anything in my life. I made the best of it. I was on the honor roll my 1st semester in college; however, my father made my education impossible. I worked 90 plus hours a week (this is no exageration) tutoring English, working a grocery store at night as a stock clerk, and full-time for my father on his job sites. Not to mention, maintaining his 5 acres, pool, and attending church (mandatory on my ONLY "day off"). I finaly moved away from my father's home and had to quit school to afford to live. My mother gave up on me, my father pushed me away, so I had ONLY me. After 9 months without contact, my mother tracked me down. She asked, "How are you? I'm worried." I said,"What are you worried about? I'm alive." She said, "I'm worried that you're not in school." To which I replied, "Fu#$ school, I need to eat." She offered to bring me "home" until I got on my feet. I told her, "I don't have any money and I'm sure as hell not going to ask you for any!" She said she'd LOAN me the $$ but upon "coming home" I had to enroll in school. Not seeing any other viable option, I returned. I stayed with her for 2 weeks and saved enough to get a studio apartment. 4 weeks later, I was enrolled in school and she was paid back. To make a loooong story short, I graduated college, and paid my own freight. I have been self employeed for 9 years now. My mother WORKED FOR ME (upon her retirement) for the last 2 years of her life. It took nearly 6 years for us to become "friends" after I returned home. She was my best friend when she died (and still is). And, I was her best friend, one need only ask her:) I don't know how she "put up with my a$$" any more so than she understood how I tolerated her. But you know what? "There's nothing like a mother's love" should have been coined by me. My girlfriend (who I love and hope to marry some day) has 2 children without a father. Perhaps I'm him because I'd like to believer, "There's nothing like a father's love" either! Parents make mistakes, kids make mistakes, but it's those of us who are (now) mature enough to have been where that person IS who can make the difference. Your mother has problems, as did you as a child I'm sure?lol YOU are NOW the mother, but don't expect her to accept that. Any changes you wish her to make are going to HAVE to be the ones "she's chosen". Making/enabling her (to) realize the mistakes she's made and curtailing her action toward her change for the better is what being responsible is all about. Giving up and giving in are interchangeable. If giving up on her gets the "response" from her you seek, then that's what needs to happen. "Giving in" whenever she NEEDS that accolade for having made a change is warranted also (push button, get reward/punished). The roles have changed where you've now become the Mother. Sticking to "the plan" will revert that back to the way things should be. When all's said and done, there is NO blame nor resentment. Rather, there is a relationship which couldn't exist otherwise. My father and mother are now gone, but neither passed without knowing how I felt, who I'd become, and the fact the we were friends. Good luck, SG Just my $.02 lol

[junglemike]

drop her STARR , she ain't worth it , she is trash , your daughter's safty comes 1st , mom should of died along time ago , maybe she will finally OD, let her




peace

jungle

[m5808]

Starr sounds like a case for Judge Judy. But starr all kidding aside. What you need to do rite now is very important for you and your child. You need to get concreat
evidence that she is not well and is very unbalanced and that she has tried to take her own life several times. Also you need to show that you helped to move her closer to you inspite of the problems, get documentation of the $8,000 you spent to move her. Once you have all your evidence then you go to court and calmly present your case. From what you have told all of us. Your Mom won't have a leg to stand on. Also this might hurt you but was your child present when you told your mother not to go out driving around with your child due to the medication situation? If so your child will be a very important witness to your case as to what was said and happened.Its also good to get a copy of the police report about your first call to the police and then a copy of the second report after the insodent so the judge can see you were very concerned and clearly did not make this up afterwards. Also remember the medication clearly states on the bottle " do not operate a motor vicheal or machinary while using this medicine" Due to that alone she was driving while impaired and risked the life of your child. Not to mention anyone else on the road. I hope I was able to help you Starr I know your going through some tough times rite now but if you use your head and get everything together you will come out a shining Starr. You will be ok!
Sorry for your troubles though. Noone should have to go through that especialy with a parent or spouse.
Best wishes
Michael (M5808)

[Captain_Fantastic]

I really don't know what to say, except that it is a sad and tragic tale. I will pray for you and your mother.

[HotRalph]

"The telephone is ringing. Is that my mother on the phone?" Sting
Myself, I won't even give her my phone #.

[Starr]

Lets just say this just goes on and on. I have been the parental figure in this picture since I remember being alive. I've had it!!! I mean these are criminal charges she has brought up on me and I will have a record because of it. She puts my childs life in danger and then shows a blatant disregard to my feelings in the matter. It has gone too far. I just know my mom will play the poor, helpless, little old lady though. She's not even old. She's 59 for gods sake! She's gonna roll up in her wheel chair (She walks fine on her own but for some reason chooses not too.) looking 105, as usual and make me look like a monster. I have done nothing but kindness to this woman. I am the only one out of her 3 children that kept in contact with her. Until 2 yrs ago both of my brothers hadn't seen her since about 1978. Neither had talked to her either. Just gonna pull this AA sh*t out of her hat....tell the judge..."I've been in AA 20yrs and I know for a fact my daughter is stealing my medication" Then some fool is gonna believe her. I know all her tricks before she plays them. See that little ol medication she's on causes paranoia so even though I have not been around her in 6 months she has accused me of everything including burgalary to steal her meds. Guys my mom is on disability, has been ever since I was born, never wanted to work a day in her lazy ass life and she has NOTHING I could want, including and especially her meds! I live in a beautiful 2100 sq ft custom home (That I built myself) drive a 99 Corvette, and raise a wonderful child. This is blowing my mind..she is trying to fu*k up my life.

[AgLake]

Any who, been in and out of hospitals the past two years overdosing on her meds...I got threatened by Adult Protective Services that if I didn't put her in a home they would charge me with neglect..Yada, yada.

Quite a tale of woe, my heart goes out to you.. To start with get a lawyer. If you can document the above, get your siblings in a row, then she can say what she wants, it would be hard for anyone - Judge or Jury to believe her instead of her children and the documentaion... Good luck

[VOLSkipper]

Starr

Was that you on the Springer show?

"Daughters who abuse thier mothers."

[Nickanick]

Dear Star:
Do not worry, It has been passed down by the sages in Buddhism (karma).Or by Christ!(As you sow so shall you reap).
Don't put your faith in laywers or judges. They are only human , and have the same flaws that your mom and I do.
This may sound a little highbrow. In the end we will all receive our just reward.
Don't get down on yourself or your mom, be as happy as you can, and if it doen't go well it is not the end.(IT IS NEVER THE END ) Don't lose yourself. Love for mom is not bad.
don't lose love it's the only way out of here.
L nick

[Starr]

VOLSkipper, Cellular I must say Ya made me laugh. If I got nothing else out of this atleast I got that. I have a court date WED. and I can meet with the prosecutor afterwards. I will just tell em to call up Adult Protective Services and look into it themselves. The only thing is......that doesn't show I didn't hit her. I called the police before I went over there (thank God!) and I called the police after she attacked me. I hope that falls in my favor but the facts are that when she attacked me she fell down and broke her glasses. Jesus, I don't even hit my kid! God I wish I would a belted the old bit*h now so atleast all this crap would be worth it. (I don't mean that.) I am rambling as usual. Why couldn't I have been one of the Waltons?

[Alaccountant]

On a vacation and didn't intend to do the internet thing, however, free time caused me to read, then, my 2 cents worth caused me to talk.

We all seem to have bad mother stories, I won't bore you with more. You know me by now, I call a spade, a spade. I have friends and clients that are constantly in trouble, it seems to find them? Wrong. They assist in the problems that befall them. My job, since age 16, has been to keep my friends and myself out of trouble. Now, I am paid to do the same for clients. Accountant is bull, paid best friend is more like it. Soooooooo unsolicited advice......

Starr, in my opinion, your problems go deeper than your mother. Your recent story is tragic, because, most people cannot identify with it. It's not just a bad mother, it's a bad way of life, time to fix it. How to, is the problem.

The first thing is, get a damn attorney. They can talk before the hearing. Expensive, but worth it. Your immediate problem is to get out of the arrest.

There is no sense is posting a long, but friendly, lecture on how to change you life. But the next step is to get hold of a friend that is not f'd up, someone that isn't in and hasn't experienced your problems. You met someone like that in the past, call on them now. I don't think you are thinking clearly right now and probably won't do a good job of defending yourself or giving yourself objective advice.

Sorry about the less than warm response, but, you don't need BS and crying right now, you have an important problem to solve. Wed is probably the arraignment, plead "not guity" and get an attorney or ask for one. Get the attorney to talk to the DA. Nothing will happen Wed, you mother doesn't have to show up.

Al

[Starr]

I more than appreciate you advice Al. Luckily I followed it a long, long time ago. The people in my circle are wonderful, warm and caring. It's the family that is dysfunctional. That is the reason the rest abandoned it so long ago. Ma was just so pitiful so I stuck it out but now it's biting me in the ass. Can't do it any more Al. It's horrible to say but at the end of this 31 yrs that I have called life she is dead to me. She is a distructive and unhealthy force within my life that has to be dropped. She has abused me in some fashion or another for my whole life. The thing is I didn't have a choice as a kid but I do as an adult and I am not going to put up with it or put my daughter in the same situation.

Starr

[Alaccountant]

I guess you just needed to write it down. When I hate, that is if I haven't blown up immediately, I write a scathing letter to the person or persons that caused or incurred my anger.(usually to IRS agents)It always feels better after. It verifies my feelings, especially, when I read my letter over and over at later dates. Perhaps that is what you did here, vent it to people that are not threatening. This just shows, people care about people.

Anyhow, I say again, organize your problems into priorities. Court is first. Second, look into the mirror. You have many good qualities, capitalize on them. The other side of you, the side that has been hurt by your childhood, by the death of your husband, the side that has tought you to swear in terminology that is related to lowest life men, DITCH IT!. The 4 B's that you use for a description needs to be changed, they are not important.

Become an actress, emulate woman that you respect, fake it if you have to. If you do this over and over, you soon will become the person that you emulate. This is an old technique that a master hypnotist tought me years ago.

I know you are smart, I know you can be gentle, I also know that you have a side that is wild, surviving, angry, dangerous, spontanious. Not bad, just needs to be managed better.

Al

[eastclintwood]

How did the court date go Starr? I'm betting everything is going to be OK.

[Starr]

Funny, showed up at court yesterday right on time. Put in my plea of Absolutely not F'n guilty and then I got a chance to meet with the Prosecutor. Turns out the Courts secretary's best friend lives above my mother so this lady has seen my looney mother in person..lol. She didn't file the charges til over a week later cause the police at the scene wouldn't take her complaint cause they knew she was lying. That and the fact of my 5 yr old seeing the whole thing got the case dismissed and a lot of sympathy for being born of the loins of a pathological fossil.

Starr xoxoxoxoo

PS. So whats your excuse..lol

[milogone]

Nice!

[phoztech]

i think this should be another episode of where are they now.