technobill
February 2nd, 2001, 03:08 PM
Words of Wisdom
Some of these are well worn, some are shiny bright.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper; that's the time to do it.
It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you haven't much education, you must use your brain.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger stick.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Always remember to pillage before you burn.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.
Jury - 12 people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
Some of these are well worn, some are shiny bright.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper; that's the time to do it.
It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
If you haven't much education, you must use your brain.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Don't squat with your spurs on.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger stick.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Always remember to pillage before you burn.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.
Jury - 12 people who determine which client has the better lawyer.