travis_cornell
April 24th, 2001, 03:26 PM
A canadian friend of mine sent these, I guess you might have to be canadian to fully understand them all.
CANADIAN JOKE #1
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer
for?" "I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."
CANADIAN JOKE #2
An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and
asked "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?"
"Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out
1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie."
The Ontarian was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation.
However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped,and instead of cutting 1/3 of
the patient's brain, the surgeon accidental cut out 2/3 of the patient's
brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the
patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as the
patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly sorry, but
there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I
accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain." The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que
vous avez dit, monsieur?"
CANADIAN JOKE #3
Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? The
Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins
and throwing them back.
CANADIAN JOKE #4
In Canada we have two seasons......six months of winter and six months of
poor snowmobiling.
CANADIAN JOKE #5
One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub
together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Just as
they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their
pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued
drinking it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his
drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT
OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"
CANADIAN JOKE #6
A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some
pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Toilette
pepper!" yelled the Quebecer.
CANADIAN JOKE #7
On the first day of Grade 3, Johnnie's teacher asked the students to count
to 50. Many of them did very well, some getting as high as 37. But Johnnie
did extremely well, he made it to 100 with only 3 mistakes.
At home he told his dad how well he had done. Dad told him, "That's
because you are from Newfoundland, son." The nextday, in language class, the
teacher asked students to recite the alphabet.
Some made it to the letter "k" with only one mistake, but Johnnie outdid
them gain. He made it all the way through, missing only the letter "m".
That evening he once again brought his dad up to date and dad explained to
him, "That's because you are from Newfoundland, son."
The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers.
Johnnie noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed
overly "well-endowed". This confused him.
That night, he asked his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but
mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Newfoundland?"
"No, son,"
explained dad, That's because you're 18."
CANADIAN JOKE #8
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They
were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died
before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the
American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and
nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the American, "I remember
the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the
Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us
and said that we were all to young to die, and said that for a donation of
$50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him
the $50, and the next thing I new I was back here." "That*s amazing!"
said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the
price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his."
CANADIAN JOKE #1
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Doug stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whacha get the case of beer
for?" "I got it for my wife, eh." answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaims Doug, "Good trade."
CANADIAN JOKE #2
An Ontarian wanted to become a Newfie. He went to the neurosurgeon and
asked "Is there anything you can do to me that would make me into a Newfie?"
"Sure it's easy." replied the neurosurgeon. "All I have to do is cut out
1/3 of your brain, and you'll be a Newfie."
The Ontarian was very pleased, and immediately underwent the operation.
However, the neurosurgeon's knife slipped,and instead of cutting 1/3 of
the patient's brain, the surgeon accidental cut out 2/3 of the patient's
brain. He was terribly remorseful, and waited impatiently beside the
patient's bed as the patient recovered from the anesthetic. As soon as the
patient was conscious, the neurosurgeon said to him "I'm terribly sorry, but
there was a ghastly accident. Instead of cutting out 1/3 of your brain, I
accidentally cut out 2/3 of your brain." The patient replied "Qu'est-ce que
vous avez dit, monsieur?"
CANADIAN JOKE #3
Did you hear about the war between Newfoundland and Nova Scotia? The
Newfies were lobbing hand grenades; the Nova Scotians were pulling the pins
and throwing them back.
CANADIAN JOKE #4
In Canada we have two seasons......six months of winter and six months of
poor snowmobiling.
CANADIAN JOKE #5
One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub
together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Just as
they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their
pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued
drinking it as if nothing happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his
drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT
OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"
CANADIAN JOKE #6
A Quebecer, staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some
pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge. "Toilette
pepper!" yelled the Quebecer.
CANADIAN JOKE #7
On the first day of Grade 3, Johnnie's teacher asked the students to count
to 50. Many of them did very well, some getting as high as 37. But Johnnie
did extremely well, he made it to 100 with only 3 mistakes.
At home he told his dad how well he had done. Dad told him, "That's
because you are from Newfoundland, son." The nextday, in language class, the
teacher asked students to recite the alphabet.
Some made it to the letter "k" with only one mistake, but Johnnie outdid
them gain. He made it all the way through, missing only the letter "m".
That evening he once again brought his dad up to date and dad explained to
him, "That's because you are from Newfoundland, son."
The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers.
Johnnie noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed
overly "well-endowed". This confused him.
That night, he asked his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but
mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Newfoundland?"
"No, son,"
explained dad, That's because you're 18."
CANADIAN JOKE #8
An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car accident. They
were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died
before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the
American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and
nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the American, "I remember
the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the
Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us
and said that we were all to young to die, and said that for a donation of
$50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him
the $50, and the next thing I new I was back here." "That*s amazing!"
said the one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the
price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay his."