LITTLE JOHNNY ON....

[#1 Leafs Fan]

LITTLE JOHNNY ON....

PHILOSOPHY

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little Johnny. He replies,
"None, they will all fly away with the first gun shot.
The teacher replies "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking,"
Then little Johnny says "I have a question for YOU.
There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone"
To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on,...but I like your thinking.

MATH CLASS

Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3' I said "6"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'
"What's the f**king difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"

ENGLISH
Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says,
"Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class.
Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Johnny says Mas-tur-bate" Miss Rogers smiles and says,
"Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful."
Little Johnny says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

GRAMMAR

Little Johnny was sitting in class one day.
All of the sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He
yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
The teacher replied,
"Now, Johnny, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."
Little Johnny, thinks for a bit, then says,
"You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!!!"

BEAUTIFUL
One day, during lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher.
She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.
"Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on little Johnny. "Last night,at
the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, Beautiful,.....just f**king beautiful!"

[zcubed]

:D GOOD ONES :D

[SammyBoy]

The teacher asked the class if anyone could make a sentence using the word definitely. Little Johnny is raising his hand and jumping up and down. The teacher ignores him and calls on Suzy. Suzy says "The sky is definitely blue." The teachers says "well, not exactly, sometimes the sky is grey, but nice try." Now Johnny is really trying to get her attention, but she knows better than to call on him so she calls on Stevie. Stevie says "The grass is definitely green." Again the teacher says "well, not exactly, sometimes the grass is yellow or brown, but nice try." At this point Johnny is standing on his chair yelling "I know!, I know!". Now the teacher realzes she has no choice but to call on Johnny, "Ok, Johnny, go ahead" she says. Johnny replies with a question, "Miss Jones, do farts have lumps?" She says No Johnny farts do not have lumps. Little Johnny blurts out, "Then I definitely ---- my pants!"

[mascdr]

:D

[CalgarySat]

Oh god. I love little Johnny. He's the king. :D

[tinkr]

Little Johnny was in class one day
playing with 2 ball bearings.
He would roll one down his desk top,
catch it,then roll the other one.
He decided to roll both of them at the
same time and they got away from him.
As luck would have it,in trying to catch
them he made them roll to the front of
the room.
The teacher was standing at the black board
and one of them hit her foot. She was having
a bad day and when she saw the bearing on
the floor,she exploded.
"All right class,I've had it with you today"!
"You better tell me the truth"!
"Who brought these to class"?
No one answered.
"OK,one more time,someone better answer"!
"WHO HAS STEEL BALLS"?
Little Johnny imediately popped up and answered,
"SUPERMAN".

[maleman44]

"When I was young,
and had NO sense,
I tried to pee,
over an electric fence.
It curled my hair,
burned my balls,
and made me ----,
in my over-alls...."

[freeman00]

Go Johnny Go

[#1 Leafs Fan]

It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this.

Teacher: "Whoever correctly answers the questions I ask first can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."
Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."
Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."
Johnny is MAD that Susie answered the question first.
Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."
Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."
Johnny is even madder than before.
Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"
Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."
Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."
Johnny is BOILING mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these b*tches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?!?!"
Johnny: "BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?"

..........................................................

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"