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jd3
September 7th, 2001, 05:09 PM
Why we have lawyers In The U. S. A.

1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000.00 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running amok inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving tyke was Ms. Robertson's son.

2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000.00 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran his hand over with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice someone was at the wheel of the car whose hubcap he was trying to steal.

3. October 1998: A Terrence ----son of Bristol, PA, was exiting a house he finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up, the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't reenter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, so Mr. ----son found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. This upset Mr. ----son, so he sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of half a million dollars and change.

4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, AK was awarded $14,500.00 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard, as was Mr. Williams. The award was less than sought after because the jury felt the dog may have been provoked by Mr. Williams who, at the time, was shooting it repeatedly with a pellet gun.

5. May 2000: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, PA, $113,500.00 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

6. December 1997: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the lady's room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000.00 and dental expenses.

Zappa Crappa
September 7th, 2001, 05:16 PM
I would question the mentality of the Jurors.

zcubed
September 7th, 2001, 05:42 PM
If i get on a jury like that, then the suer is gonna have to split the bounty with me!:cool:

Tomcat1
September 8th, 2001, 07:12 PM
Stupid cases like these is why we all pay so much for
insurance.

Spree
September 10th, 2001, 09:31 AM
I had jury duty two weeks ago

JWH
September 10th, 2001, 10:24 AM
It is amazing. People want to admit they are idiots, and then get paid for it. I see crap like this all the time, the problem is that the jurors are usually instructed to ignore the events that led up to the incident. Another reason that they rule in favor of the plaintiff is they feel that the defendant is in a better financial situation, and can afford to pay. This happens mostly with large companies, and that is why they settle these frivolous claims out of court. JWH

travelin65
September 10th, 2001, 10:29 AM
what do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea...

a good start...

JWH
September 10th, 2001, 10:39 AM
A lawyer, an insurance salesman and HotDawg all jump off the Golden Gate bridge. Who hits the water first?






WHO CARES

pndragon
September 10th, 2001, 10:53 AM
What's black nad tan and looks GREAT on a lawyer?


A DOBERMAN!!!

jnix
September 10th, 2001, 03:16 PM
I found these to be correct:

Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
A: A tick falls off of you when you die.

Q: Why does the law society prohibit --- between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the
same service.

Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer
in the middle of the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A Doberman.

Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they
cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out
which side to spit on.

Q: Lawyer's creed:
A: A man is innocent until proven broke.

Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.

Q: What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane?
A: Skeet.

Q: What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
A: Chelsea Clinton

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting
him?
A: It might be your bicycle.

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are
walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred
dollar bill. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

Q: It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?)
A: I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

Q: A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates.
A: "$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully
steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third
question?"

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?
A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

Q: What is the difference between a dead lawyer and a squished skunk in the
road?
A: The vultures will eat the skunk.

Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.

Q: Do you know what happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
A: He gets taller.

Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You
have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: You shoot the lawyer... Twice.